I am fully aware that every time I quit my job, pack my bag and buy a one-way plane ticket somewhere it is absolutely, solely, my decision. I am not forced into it and should have no complaints regarding any of the bi-products inherent in this selfish act of fulfillment. But this doesn't mean I can't find them slightly irritating and gripe and moan like a victim every once in a while. There are a few annoyances that stand out, particularly doing the backpacker circuit and having to live consistently in close quarters with other stingy, tired tourists often pretending to be polite to each other. These are five of them.
1 The Master Chef
Eating out can often be very inexpensive. Especially in Asia where there are road side noodle stands, and Latin America with its street meat barbecues. Even in the USA a bit of research can yield economic results while only slightly sacrificing your health, with 'Wing' or 'Taco' nights usually advertised in many cities. You can even eat for free at some places - as long as you're drinking.
What I can't stand is backpackers in hostels who have to show off their culinary skills while thirty other guests wait. With all the ingredients, including seasoning and oil, the total of their personal recipe stir-fry adds up to more than eating at a restaurant would, plus they take over the kitchen for an hour while I wait, patient and hungry, to cook my 2-minute noodles. If your meal involves sauteying or basting, then don't do it at a hostel. Hostel kitchens are for basic rice or pasta dishes, eggs, meat or potatoes at a stretch. Otherwise you're not only spending more money than you should, but you're also missing out on some of the local delights that can be found outside on the street and instead cooking the same meals you have at home. You know who you are.
2 Bongos
Many times I have been sitting in a hostel enjoying my time when a dreadlocked, dashiki wearing hippie comes in with a bongo and tries to start a jam by banging on it. Being able to hit a bongo does not make you a musician. I practiced it for five minutes once and got a fair beat happening, and I have no musical ability whatsoever. Nobody likes a bongo. You know who you are.
3 Australians
I am Australian. I always have been and am happy to remain so, but nothing annoys me more than when I'm trying to soak in a foreign culture and a group of Australians crash in and try to take over. Wearing green and gold and chanting 'aussie aussie aussie' at Oktoberfest or Pamplona is not entertaining or amusing, it is embarrassing. I'm sure it's the same for people of all nations, when your own over-zealous compatriots don't realise they're not impressing anyone by chanting drinking songs and wearing national colours. You know who you are.
4 Multi-lingual Europeans
Ok I'm just jealous on this one, but everytime I meet a European who can speak three or four different languages I feel very embarrassed and a bit pathetic. The worst thing is whenever I feel like I'm getting some sort of a grasp of Spanish, I'll meet someone from Germany who speaks German, English (better than me) and French, and says they are just starting to learn Spanish, before going into a fully fluent conversation with a South American whilst apologising for it not being perfect, and making me realise that knowing 'si' 'no' and 'mucho gusto' does not make me a linguist.
5 The Temporary Friends
And finally, for every fifty annoying bongo-playing hippies, show-off chefs or obnoxious patriotic wanker I meet, there is one special person that stands out above all others. A shining beacon that you somehow managed to meet through fate or consequence or luck, one that you want to know forever and who feels like the missing peice in the puzzle of your life, but unfortunately, due to geography and circumstance you'll likely never see again. The temporary friends are worse than any of the above, and sometimes make you wish you had never met them because now you'll always know what you're missing out on. Goodbyes are always hard, but they're worse when they come too soon. The odd message here or there will never compensate for what could have been. But in the end, it was all still worth it.
Dr Suess put it nicely, 'don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.'
I think you know who you are.
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